Artslim, weight, life, health management.

Watching a large mob of cattle ambling along the roadway, the ‘long paddock’ as it’s called, I observe how the stockman keeps the dog, restrained and moving slowly, well back, the motorbike riding, Jackaroo and Jillaroo, keep well back away from the animals, allowing, encouraging them to take their time.   The cattle are head down, ambling slowly.  I can imagine the drover  is thinking, 'keep  the condition on them, keep the metabolism slowed right down,  don't hurry them, don't burn off any fat marbling in the muscle meat by quickening the pace, we want a good price for this herd.'  

Aside from being slowed down by a mob of fat cattle on the long paddock, I did a lot of research this week to find out exactly how much smaller a kilo of pure muscle was, compared with a kilo of animal fat  and how that mob of cattle, being encouraged to move slowly and not burn off any condition (fat and marbled with fat, muscle), applied to me and my striving to be naturally slim.

I had a headache tonight and a back ache after clipping the dog, so it was the man's night to look after me and cook.  Baked beans in tomato sauce on toast followed by honey and almonds on toast, I feel well beyond satisfied, more 'full'.   


 Sometimes it's nice to be waited on and not the time to demand the three to five veggie servings. 
I know the ropes for recovery from over eating, now.  I just wait until until I am hungry and eat again, what ever I feel like, probably my regular breakfast of half a cup of rolled oats with half a cup of low fat yogurt and half a cup of no added sugar, SPC fruit salad, with skim milk and a coffee.  I'll probably be hungry around lunch time after the huge feed of four slices of bread and toppings tonight.  But sometimes I am sup prise, and get hungry sooner, shows I am burning up energy fuel.

I am not used to this vegetarian way of eating now and I feel so full after eating beans, but I'm still hungry at the usual time for breakfast the next day.

I am eating lots of beans and fish and vegetable based,  main meals because I temporarily have to give up animal protein due to an iron overload condition and it's over three weeks now since I stopped eating meat and I am beginning to crave it, and wonder if this headache I have has anything to do with my diet change, as it's so unlike me to get a headache.

I had a longer post I wrote this morning ready to edit and post.  I think parts of it are interesting, I'll post it tomorrow, so see you then xxx

Kathy

Visualise the ‘commando’, from the Biggest Looser Club, Australian TV series, in looks. Only no tattoo’, so more what this 62 years old could relate to.  This man, at a guess, about thirty, maybe forty, tanned,  khaki shorts, singlet, short sleeve shirt, socks  and bush walking boots. What else would my commando, angel, be wearing?   He walked to the little bridge above where I was swimming, watched me exercising, and then began to guide me verbally by demonstrating the movement I needed to make to increase my fitness. He stood, up there on the bridge, moving his arms, to explain his description of the movements.   I looked at him and at a glance knew this man knew about fitness and exercise.

He was muscular without the excess bulk of the body builder and his attitude was helpful, not yobbo show off my strength style.  I could see his six-pack of chest muscles under his shirt. He was of tall stature and his arms and legs were pure muscle under tanned skin, and he had stopped on the little bridge over the area where I was swimming against the rapids to give me a personal training and motivational talk,  LOL, and I was loving it and taking it all in.

 He understood about injury, told me he was a mountain climber and cyclist and how it had taken two years to get his hands strong enough to support his weight so he could climb.  He spoke about bone density, talked a little light science, which has also, always interested me. He spoke of the effect of weightless in space on bones and how the density decreased (all this I knew), and how to rebuild bone strength through exercise, (right down my ally here, keep talking, I am thinking), I was glued to everything he said, and he was interested in me and my story of recovery.

I should add, this was not a pick up, the difference in our age and body attractiveness would make that rather clear, this man was genuinely interested in training and understood, injury recovery and I was learning so much. 

We spoke about running style and I told him of my little, “2 x 60 second, 2 x 45 second and 2 x 30 seconds bursts in a 30 minute walk”.  He said. ‘this was perfect’, it was about doing bursts of energy for as long as this was a reasonable exertion then to slow down and keep exercising at a steady pace till full recovery then to do another short burst of increased effort.  He said it would not matter if I never ran more than 1 minute or if I never ran more than the six bursts of energy, in one session it was more that I maintained the same amount of energy output and effort in those bursts.

He spoke about how when anyone is training for high intensity effort, (I start thinking of my friend Sharon training for marathons), he said there will always be injuries in this sort of preparation and training. He said you have to work with learning how to ease back when you injure yourself and know how much rest you need, to recover and to know that your fitness is increasing despite the injuries along the way. 

The main injury risk, he said, was in these elite sports, the intense training caused injury and that sometimes led to a degree of inactivity that then causes a loss of stamina and fitness and this was his interest and the field he was interested in perusing. 

In his own elite sports interest of maintain climbing, he had needed to learn about recovery from personal injury and as a result had gravitated to becoming  involved in helping others recover from injuries and prevent injury in others by showing them how to modify their training and performances, to prevent injuries in the first place.

Then he went to the steps and performed several exercises there,  explaining what he was doing and telling me what parts of the body they would help and  emphasizing how they helped build  bone density. Then he went to the little bridge rail and showed me press outs, which I told him I already did. Then he showed me a reverse form of the same exercise and one that involved a knee lunge.  I told him that due to arthritic knees and old knee injuries, I had never been able to do knee lunges in the past, but I agree, it is time for me to try again.He then showed me squats, leg raises, and I told him I did these, with great difficulty on dry land, but I did them a lot, very easily in the water. I began doing exercises in the water where I draw my knees up under my chin then kick them out straight to show how I work my abdominal muscles while I work out in the water.  Then we both talked about jumping and I said I jump 50 times a day, he was pleased, he also knew this is helpful for bone density.  He understood a great deal about bone density.

He told me of how when he watches people running marathons, most are wasting too much energy on the upper body movement. I told him I had read how to run and the things I read said to take it easy and not swing your arms back and forth from the shoulders, but when I ran, that just seemed to happen.  He then showed me how; when I ran, I should thrust my leg forward from the thigh, and allow my upper body to just follow. Then he showed me how I was probably leading with the action of my upper body (he was right), using too much upper body effort, and I was just allowing my legs to almost follow, the momentum built up from my swinging my shoulders from side to side.    So I learned a valuable, ‘how to run, technique’ that made sense. I recalled back when I had my tread mill, having read something similar on the Biggest Loser web site on ‘how to’ run, and how I had modified my fast walk, (back then I did not run), to a thrust the leg forward, using my thigh muscles , motion.  Once he had left, I felt like I had just had a fantastic private fitness trainer of the very best standard. I went for a long swim, just relaxed and enjoying the wonderful pool and scenery and would you believe, his fitness talk had almost cleared the pool of those who like to sit around and talk, so I had almost an entire stream all to myself to swim back and forward in, a total feeling of peace.When I walked back up the steep hill,  I always think about how I make it up that very steep hill in one go now, where as two years ago, I had to stop to catch my breath and was thinking about needing a motorised buggy soon, due to the pain in my past injured and arthritic feet. I decided it was time for that, ‘short burst of intense activity’ and so I broke into a very fast, jog. I thrust my leg forward from the thigh stretch out the length of each stride, I didn’t time it, nor keep it up for long and slowed down as I became out of breath, thought about stopping to fully catch my breath, but then remembered, ‘no it’s a slow down to recover, not a come to a standstill’, so I kept on walking, recovered by the time I was at the top of the little rise and turned the corner to the level path to enter the camp grounds and had my cool off on the flat walk across the camp ground to our van.   So today I had a wonderful gift  of a private lesson, motivation and encouragement from my very own mysterious, didn’t even think to ask his name,  hubba hubba looking,  personal trainer on the bridge above me, LOL, J.  Life is like that. Be ready to grab hold of any arm reaching out to give you a lift up and climb to your goalsJ, the information he generously shared with me will help me towards mine.One more thing he showed me and told me was important.  He showed me how to do many of the exercises he did, with a little sideways twist.  I then began twisting as I was exercising in front of him in the water and saw he approved. He said many people forget to do that.   I know where back injury is concerned, it’s those little sideways twists done when we are not warmed up, that can cause the greatest injury and so I now will make sure that I careful, and while warmed up, and not suddenly, include a wider range of movement for my body. I am VERY grateful and appreciative of everything that’s happed this week., My man, I love,  is well, I have wonderful supportive friends, in here, who are reading this right now, J, yes YOU, THANK YOU , J. and I had a gift of a personal training session, the best I have ever had. THANK YOU.

I love to wake up and take a semi reclining seat where there is a view and sit near Reg, chat, have coffee, and read and write for a while, then as I begin to wake up, I'll get hungry and plan, prepare and eat breakfast while I review my day's activities, usually planned the evening before. Swimming is the main activity I am currently doing and is the main reason we are staying here in Katherine, Northern Territory for a few weeks.

 I have been swimming in the Katherine Hot Springs, every day for two full weeks and it's possible we may stay here for up to two more weeks as this is the holiday phase of our tour, my appointmets to exhibit begin, mid July and go through till the end of August. 

I am laughing at how hard I have been working  given this is supposed to be 'retirment' (I love working),  I could not  work  harder once I begin the exhibition phase.   Once we leave Katherine, my physical activities will change, there will be no more swimming until I get home in springtime, so I am making the most of the opportunity to swim  every chance I get, right now, nd while doing so, enjoy the glorious midyear weather here. 

I am also making the most of being on mains power, allowing me to write, as I;m doing now, into the wee hours of the morning.

I have said in other posts, that I mostly eat when hungry and stop when satisfied.  Rules are there as guides not carved in stone.  I do not get hungry until I am wide awake and I like to swim early, before the pool gets busy, andfound on teo occasions if I swam without eating a proper breakfast first, I had to leave the pool early due to becoming hngry or fient.  After those experiences, I will never exercise without having had a healthy reasonable sized breakfast first,  even if that means eating before I am hungry.  It’s a long way back from the pool for a meal.   

My favourite breakfast is a small cup or less, depending on appetite, of rolled oats, (no name brand, not the processed type) skim milk powder, water, fresh fruit, low fat sugar free, yogurt. about a desert spoon full, and sometimes a few nuts not more than 10, usually less, depends on my appetite and what activties follow. Sometimes I sprinkle sunflower or other or seeds on top. 

This is a 300 calorie plus breakfast depending on the extras and amounts, it's one that has always 'agreed with me' I love it  and it loves my body.  It's the one meal I have even been known to eat for dinner if on a rare occasion I have something different for breakfast. Before I found out I had osteoporosis and started studying what inhibits calcium absorption and what increases t, I did add extra  fibre into my breakfast, now if I took added fibre it would not be with calcium containing food.  With this breakfast and my multi grain bread for lunch and lots of vegetables and two fruits a day, I don't need added fibre anyhow.

I don't take nurtrient suppliments, 'just in case', I prefer to get my nutrients from my food if I can, however I do currently take some  vitamin and mineral supplement tailored to my specific needs, following blood tests so I know I actually need what I take, and I have been guided on my choice oft these by a qualified dietician and bone health nutritionist, and I've confidence she is on the right track, guiding me and I'm very grateful to have her expert advice.

So that's my first meal of the day, I enjoy it in every way, love the taste, texture, and how it leaves me so comfortable for a few hours.  I usually follow  up breakfast with a little creative writting, then afterthis physical rest period, I decide it's time to be active and that's when I am currently heading off for my swim in thekathering hot springs, swimming up stream and in the current of the small waterfal.  I tend to not exercise very early in the morning as some like to, as that is when I am most likely to injure myself. I benefit by taking time to allow my body to loosen up, before my first exercise activity of the day. 

Mornings in Katherine this time of year have been a mild 15 to 19 degrees on average, top temperatures around 30 degrees and the water tempreature is 32 dgrees i am told.  This makes for a perfect morning  in every way.

This post was written in March 2008 following an Art and Crafts Fair, that I participated in.

When I arrived at the convention center for the exhibition I was struck by the sight of so many familiar faces in the 120 exhibitors there, most of whom I have now known for some 20 years.
Many of these arty, crafty, women had been like me, in mid life, um.'pleasantly’ plump.
Then a few years ago, like me, they too were getting very overweight to obese...just like me as they aged.
Well this time, many of these women were....'struggling'... is about the best that I could say.
Limping, waddling badly and grossly obese.
Mind you I did the occasional limp myself, only not as bad as the others and remembered that once I was one of the worst, if not the worst of the waddling limpers.

None of the ladies commented about my weight release, (26 kilo) it was possibly painful for them as they were obviously conscious of the weight they carried, it was a large part of their own conversations even if it was to say, 'how it suited them' and 'they were built that way'.

The new me saw it was the excessive amounts of food they were eating, given their sedentary life style and the relative inactivity of the hand crafter's life.

This lack of physical exercise, of those engaged in time consuming craft work takes it's tole on the body.
Today, more active, no longer engaged in the craft business, I wear a pedometer and get up and walk very frequently, striving to get in my 10,000 steps though achieving only half of the desired amount over this busy Easter show period.

The entire overheard conversation at this show, amounst the overweight stall holders, was about knee surgery or other health problems most of them obesity related or at least aggravated by obesity plus comments like 'my Dr says I must get off another 18 kilo or he will not operate as he says I will die'. Another saying, 'don't take any notice, you don't need to loose weight, tell him to do the operation.' Then another person comments.... 'Oh i tried to loose weight but I was getting wrinkles, it really did not suit me, I am fine as I am'. Others agreed. Then they waddled away in obvious great pain and difficulty. Some told me, 'I lost 30 kilo last year but i have put back 20 in the past couple of months as soon as i stopped dieting'. I found seeing people like this and hearing this talk, was all very sobering.

I was SO very grateful that I had changed my life, changed to being active, and reclaimed my health.

I have often remarked to Reg that the entire crafts business is 'fattening'. just as I have remarked that, about the office hours required for EBay selling.

I felt like 'one of these craft's people', when I last exhibited crafts, 2 years ago. Now I saw them as 'where I was headed,' back then and I was sad to see they were less fit but so relieved I had changed my life when i did.

Three former craft exhibitors I knew, have actually died during that two year break since I last exhibited with these friends. Yes, I too, had come close to that, that scary fact was the main motivation  behind my transformation of my life style.

Most of the women have gained weight..a lot ..and were suffering physically as a result and wearing huge hide it all, flowing shapeless robes, at a guess size 28 to 34 clothing. Few could walk without obvious pain and none chose to walk other than for essential reasons, most having a slim husband doing the collecting of the stock for sale from the vans, and bringing the meals, to these sedentary craft workers.
There was a sales trade of huge shapeless, tents (OK, huge ladies clothing), for sale. 

A few ladies, about size 32 at a guess, ladies sitting at tables, claiming to be  'physic' and charging to tell your fortune. Between the occasional gullible client, (forgive my scepticism if you believe in them), they rarely got up and walked at all, over the four day time period of the show and I was saddened that it would not take a lot to read their future if they don't start moving and stop sitting all day.

So sad!
I found it even sadder as I could see that this would have been me this year or worse, I could have been like one of my friends who had died from a lifestyle disease and I may have, had I not changed my behavior and become active.

Yes I was glad I have ditched the craft making, that's for sure.

My own husband, Reg was wonderful, allowed me to get up and walk Indigo very frequently, between doing his teddy bear crafts for him.
He did all the selling and did a fantastic job, working at his very best.
We worked like a fine tune team.
He spoke with pride about me as an artist when representing my art work and sold quite a lot of art as well as the art supplies and the crafts he likes.

Watching the lady who's Dr said get '18 kilo off or die', tucking into sour cream and butter on potato and thinking how I used to hate people reproaching me when I ate, (as they did,) when I was also obese, I thought how what she was eating would now feed me all day, as three meals and then I would prefer to have had low fat unsweetened yogurt on it rather than sour cream and butter.
How I have changed.

Thank goodness I changed.

It was like looking into a mirror and seeing where I would be today if I had not made a lifestyle change a year ago.
It wasn't about the 25 to 30  kilo (I swing), I have released, it was about how much I certainly would have gained and how I would have gone downhill if I had not changed my lifestyle when I did.

If you have been inactive for years, if you have painful injuries or have illness, or demanding sedentary jobs, and stressful life, please don't 'give up on yourself'.  Seek advice from experts, motivations from friends, do something loving and nurturing for yourself today and then tomorrow, then the nest day.  Don't look for a diet to correct a decade of self abuse and neglect just set out on a lifestyle path you can live, not one you can't stick to, one you will love so much you will want to stick to it, because of what it is giving you back in rewards far greater even than just seeing your body become slimmer. :-).  If I can do it, You can do it.

I was morbidly obese, I was ill, I had injuries, arthritic pain, it was hard to move.

I started by moving gently in water, gradually increased to exercising in water, then I walked, now I can briefly run, lift weights, jump.

Once it was excruciating pain to simply take my weight on my feet to stand up in the morning.  Once I used a walking stick for several years and thought the electronic, walker was next, now I can jump.  It's only two years ago, I was entering hospital almost twice weekly in heart rhythm or breathing difficulties, today I have enough oxygen in my blood and a heat beat so sound I can run for almost one minute several times a day, walk for 10 kilometres in one go or swim upstream for an hour.    Becoming active did more that take me out of the morbidly obese classification, it has saved my life and given me a body I can move free of pain, something I never believed I could have again, and a new lease to enjoy life.

Age, health, does not have to have the last say, if you want something, ask for professional help, if there are problems holding you back, I saw physiotherapists, dieticians, nutritionists, and shoe fitting experts and I enlisted friends, and family as my support team.  You do not have to go on a journey alone. 

I just want to  share that YOU CAN DO IT. :-).  

 

 

 


 

I’m rejoicing that I was surrounded by my favourite savoury foods and I was in control, I was relaxed, enjoying the food, the company, the experience, and I was satisfied and I was able to eat cracker biscuits, tasty high fat cheese, potato chips and cashew nuts and not binge or risk gaining weight and I did not ever taste the cabana, which I so love...because I was no longer stomach or emotionally hungry...I was not hungry, I was satisfied.LOL,  'I think she's got it'.

A few weeks ago I received a parcel with two wonderful books about intuitive eating in them and some motivational material and guides on CD, from my good friend Sharon.

Around the same time I also found out I had just a few more small health issues to work with so there was a conflict of increased nutritional guidelines that were important for me to follow for preventative health care.

So here I was, this past fortnight, with conflicting goals, once a gain. New nutritional guidelines I am developing with health care providers and this increased awareness that I am on the right track, in relaxing rules on what to eat and when and trusting myself around food, any food, with permission to eat what I choose to eat as long as I stay balanced in self nurture, listening to my emotional and physical needs and not feel I need to obsessively  deny myself nor fear the opposite will happen should I 'give in' and find myself having another mini binge on forbidden fruit or feeling  I must sample everything that's on offer lest I miss out on the best.

I have understood the written and spoken meaning of those words for years.  I say and write things like, 'It's not leaving the planet' and’ If something is good, more is not better', but it's all been a conscious effort...up until two nights ago when Reg and I were invited to an evening of savouries (my favourite treat foods) and chat, with new friends.

The supper table looked lovely, all provided by friends, I brought along my nutritious raw organic, almonds to add to these refined, processed and fried, style foods I don't buy for myself, so tend to overindulge in once I have them in front of me. 

This time I was in a mind frame I accepted a couple of weeks ago that has taken some getting used to and during this time, it's been an experiment that’s seen me sample chocolate, cheese cake, a sticky bun, spread on my bread again, and it's sill been an experience tinged with a little guilt and a little inability to stop when I had had sufficient and to know when that was.  I knew I was slightly over indulging beyond my hunger, because of the enjoyment of the taste and crunch sensation in my mouth, yet not enjoying them fully, because of guilt that they were unhealthy and I would be gaining weight. 

The other evening at this little supper party I finally 'got it' and I did not even realize it until this evening when a friend, my friend Sharon, mentioned her own intuitive eating experience in her blog and 'the light came on', LOL, :-), and I realized, at last, 'I have got it'.

I didn't even notice, at the time, that I was having something of a breakthrough, I was achieving a balance, a state of sanity around food, and I did not realize what a big deal it was at the time. It all seemed so natural, so comfortable, the eating was so enjoyable and my body was so comfortable with what I ate and I was not feeling hungry or denied what I would have liked to eat. I was feeling just satisfied, contented, enjoyed all I had eaten, aware I had not sampled everything and had left heaps of lovely things on the table uneaten, and I had not needed to keep eating them because they were yummy or because they were in front of me or having to be denied the experience of eating these foods, because in my nutrition nut guard was up.

I had experienced intuitive eating, automatically, without thinking about it, not through will power or conscious self programming, but naturally, automatically 'as easily as breathing'.

It's a stunner to discover it's not about will power over food at all.

While I have read that, ' if everything is allowed, we are more able to control portions and will mostly desire what is ideal for our body,' this is the first I've experienced potato chips being something I could have just a few of.  

I have said words to triy help motivate others struggling not to overeat, saying to them, 'you are stronger than a potato chip', but in saying this, my meaning had been that they could use will power and not eat potato chips at all, which was how I usually controlled myself around such foods.  This was a different experience, I allowed those foods.  I has taken me a fortnight of not feeling I've got the balance right, probably gaining a kilo, yet knowing and having faith that this was a learning phase and I just needed to continue to stay centred, in balance, resisting the urge to panic and go back to the extreme of self denial around food again.  It has taken me two weeks of being prepared to trust myself with whatever food I fancied, to get to this state of it eating the previous, forbidden fruits, in a comfortable, in control, way.

Finally I have experienced an occasion where for the first time ever, even having had a will power dissolving glass of wine, I was surrounded by crunchy crisp, savouries I loved, a table laden with all the things I usually avoid as if I did, I had previously not been able to stop eating them. Those cashew nuts, clicks cracker biscuits, tasty high fat cheese, yum, cabana, more yum, the potato chips, were all legal, allowed on this occasion, foods, and I was content in sampling, some, not all of them and I was satisfied.

I was satisfied!

Almost 63 years it has taken. You cannot call me a fast learner, but I’m a determined learner. If there is something I want to master, I’ll hang in there and study, practice and ask for constructive critique, till I get it right and even then keep fine tuning my skill, my new gift, the art of natural slimming is a gift I plan to use and hold for life. 


it's not willpower, it's permission, comfort and confidence around food, that gives me control.



 

Today I want to stand with a friend of mine who shares with me an interest in Intuitive eating what we feel is right for ourselves and our bodies, when we feel it is right for us, rather than dieting mentality, and declare that 'scales are for fish', as she also has written in her blog, and I will also stop weighing myself.

Why?

Well I have had a lot of blood test results this month that have turned my ideas of what is a healthy diet, for me,  near upside down.  I have discovered that I am not metabolising iron normally and I am in iron overload and need an low iron and iron absorbing, lower Vit C as that increased iron absorption, diet and I just discovered with a shock yesterday that despite leading an active outdoors life with sun exposure, I have a vitamin D deficiency.  Now dropping foods I am used to eating like red meat out of my diet and limiting many other things till I discover the right balance for me, saw me gain about a kilo in weight this week and well, when you work at eating healthy and striving to eat when hungry and stop when satisfied and would be one of the most active 60 plus ladies around these parts any how, it's nothing short of disappointing and almost depressing to be hopping on scales only to see them climbing when you are simply in a learning what to do and how to manage with a whole new set of nutritional guidelines for health during this sorting out phase, and need to realize that a varying of weight in this learning phase, is not significant.

The bathroom scales do not applaud me for all Ive learned that's going to help build a fitter and trimmer body in the coming months once I have sorted out in particular this Vitamin deficiency, it only exaggerates the variation in weight due to my experiments with a new style of mostly vegetarian (low iron ) diet.

I will be using a set of scales to evaluate how I an going and I do want to focus on those scales frequently.

These scales will be in my mind.  i want to visualize to my left, the state I was in through much of my 50's while I gradually allowed myself to become more obese and unfit, in fact downright ill.  Never mind the excuses that illness and injury and excessive financial responsibility resulting in excess work load created that state, those were all excuses for what was a state of apathy and self abuse through self neglect.  I never want to go there again.  That was the behaviour that resulted in my becoming morbidly obese at a size 22 going on 24 on a short 160 cm frame.  

To the right of that, I see myself as a child, malnourished, then as a slim woman on my first crash diet for the size xssw wedding dress to become even slimmer, even then no one seemed to see this was for me too thin, family and friends added pressure that it wasn't as slim as a young woman should be, even skinny arms and ribs sticking out wasn't thin enough for society's expectations,  not while you still had hips thighs and a healthy behind, they did not think you slim, no the pressure was on to be waste yourself away thin.  This was before society became aware of the existence of anorexia as young women bought in to this pressure for a straight up and down, hip less, bottomless, fashionable boy like figure.

In my 30's I went on juice fasts, and 12 week diet pans, yes of course I lost weight, you do when you semi starve yourself, that isn't learning a thing about weight management and heaven only knows how much muscle and bone density I lost doing those things to my body.

So the scales I use today are the ones that see, apathy through to self abusive neglect of emotional eating and lack of physical activity on one side of a balance scale, the anxiety of worry about having gained a kilo or more and the obsessive extremes of dieting or seeking rapid weight loss from extremes of activity or deprivation dieting and excessive rules, as an extreme I do not want to go near, on the other hand. 

In the middle ground, is confidence, and yes, I have my 'feeling fat days', too, so sometimes I might need to bluff, fake, imagine in my mind, this confidence and serenity and believe, until it once again as it has been before, becomes a part of my, a confidence to love my body, love my self, my mind, my creativity, my owning the right to be me, to move my body, to take time to exercise, the belief I have the right to and I do take the time to go to the Katherine Hot Springs at mid day for my swim.

Why is it when i return home from these Australian tours, having established a pattern of walking and swimming and lifting  my weights, I suddenly deny myself the right to take this time to be active, i make excuses again, carer duty excuses?  This is just another form of apathy at best and self abuse from laziness of taking the easy way out and not planning and managing  how I will take this time for myself and a failure to expect that I will take this time and if I do not believe in my own rights, how can I expect someone else who is unwell to understand my need to be active in a supportive environment for some part of every day?  No one denies me the right to do as I need to, more than I do myself, to believe otherwise is the old 'excusitis', I left behind me and intend to not return to.   I am telling the  me of six months hence, that that is carp, it is self abuse, apathy and it is throwing the scales off balance and this time I will not be standing for that sort of apathetic behaviour from myself and will call it for what it would be, if I wanted to do that, not being a god carer, it would be self abuse and remind myself that in order to care for another I must first be fit and healthy myself and not allow myself to destroy myself prematurely through lifestyle diseases and neglect of my bodies most basic needs of good nutrition and healthy active movement.

So there in words I've strive to paint a picture of the balance scale that will be my guide to a healthy life from now on and will assist me to be my natural slim and healthy self.

I will design a fridge magnet, depicting this scale visually in time for my 2009 Christmas Internet sales and my 2010 touring exhibition.

 To heck with the 'I am a caterpillar waiting to become a butterfly' thinking, that might motivate  some people, and I believe we each need to find out own path.  I however have been there, waiting to live but saving it for 'best', or when I  have achieved the next goal or 'when I am slim' and I now believe that's a waste of a fantastic life that is right at my door, NOW.

Life is too short to treat it as the dress rehearsal, this really is 'it', be free and enjoy life now. 

 Live the role of the person I want to become and I am that person.

How often have we held ourselves back in the past?  I kept the clothes that made me feel extra special, for best, not allowing myself all the joy I could have enjoyed from life.  I kept my best clothes in the wardrobe in mint condition only venturing out when I socialized with others, I never wore them 'just for my own pleasure',  until they became old fashioned and I out grew them.  I stored these special clothes and when at last I reclaimed my size 14 figure, did those clothes suit me? No.   

Now I buy what suits me now and i wear it NOW.

I own a great RM Williams leather belt, and have a couple of favorite jeans I wear this with.  I wear these now, for everyday just as I would for special jeans occasions, why not feel and look great NOW.  What are we waiting for? 

"Move the way your body loves"

Fitness should not be a chore.  If you have to force yourself out of bed at 5 am to go to a gym  or to run and it's a chore, just how long will you keep it up?

When I think back to those days when I was naturally slim as a child, I remember how a brick wall created in me an almost irresistible desire to climb on it and dance along it as the uninhibited child I was then and I continued to do this until one day when I was fourteen, when I was reprimanded rather stirnly and reminded I was now grown up and should not behave like that.  Phooey, LOL, :-), I don't think there would be any where near the amount of obesity as there is today if we as a generation had not had our childhood inhibitions crushed out of many of us, if we still felt comfortable dancing along wall when the urge took us or climbing trees, scaling cliffs. Do you remember the fun you had as a child, being active, not because it was marked in your diary in the to do list in order to achieve a fitness or slimming goal, but movements you did for the sheer love and joy of moving?

What activities can I, can you, do today, that are pure FUN. :-)   How can you make a step toward undoing the oppressive self talk or expectations of others that have made you confine physical activity to crack of dawn jogs, to the inside of a gym or your  more restrictive in size and private, lounge room?

I recall when I was part of the artist in schools program taking a group of primary school children into Jells Park to sketch and they saw a senior lady performing graceful Tai Chi movements beside the lake, confident and comfortable within herself in moving the way her body and indeed I could easily see, her mind and soul was loving.    The young children (already somewhat inhibited that it was OK for children to be active in play in public and comfortable running around, but believing that adults must be more restrained,), began to snicker at her from a distance.   I quickly asked them not t do that and used it as a great lesson in teaching them about self confidence and to admire her for her strength of character for setting such a great example of how we should not fear being ourselves and expressing who we are in words and movements as long as those actions are good, hurt no one, then believe in yourself and be yourself.    The entire basis of my artist in schools program was not just about the large mural I was painting for the Jells Park School with the assistance of 400 primary school children it was about instilling, 'I can' attitudes in these children and it was enormous fun and I believe I was able to leave an impression.

It's good for me to remember these things now. :-). Time I re learnt some of the gifts I had in the past while they are still laying there waiting to be re stimulated.  Not sure I want to climb trees or scale cliffs any more and my Tai Chi is less than graceful and I now fear broken bones due to osteoporosis of the spine so I don't intend to try dancing on high brick walls again LOL, :-), but it is a lesson in dropping some of the inhibitions that still do hold me back.  I never did read any more than the cover of the book, 'Feel the fear and do it anyway', not sure I've even quoted it correctly, but I get the gist of the meaning of that title and I know that if crack of dawn running doesn't suit me so what if I want to brisk walk and occasionally run around our Summer retreat, mostly retirees village when the others just sit and gape, LOL,, :-). Who knows I might start a seniors fitness trend yet.  Who will it hurt if I perform clumsy awkward Tai Chi beside a lake? LOL,  So what if anyone thinks I'm insane, if I want to skip down a soft grassy embankment.  

Today I am going to acknowledge that yes some internal impulses I get to move my body come when I am in public as that is where life places us.  I realize if your employed you can hardly dance around the office, but as I am self employed, if I want to give little jumps for joy when I'm happy or things are going well, I will do this.  Easy to get my 50 bone strengthening jumps in that way and I have met quite a few seniors who have a 'jump robe for your heart healthy, routine' going, I am just learning to jump for the sheer fun of it, whenever and wherever I feel like it, LOL, I'm still getting tangled up in a skipping rope, but that skill too will one day be reclaimed and I'll skip rope for fun again.

I am starting to use the time when I am stationary in a line, say at the checkout to do 'heal thumps' an exercise I have learned to improve bone density, where I rise up on my toes them thump hard down on my heals, it's a great use of that time and an easy way to incorporate 50 such bone strengthening actions in my day without having to slot the exercise into a time planner.  I no longer am inhibited that I do this in public, if anyone looks I just smile back at them and keep exercising on the spot.   
 

I am going to make an effort to perform more of my exercises outside, because I love nature so much and this will increase the joy I feel in doing my exercise and desensitise me from those inhibitions and concerns about what people think.  I am going to move the way my body loves, free and uninhibited,

Right now I am about to experience the joy of swimming at the base of a waterfall at the Katherine hot springs.  Life is wonderful when we can move the way our body, mind and soul loves :-).

The picture above that I designed from  the image of one of my art works, will be created as a fridge magnet and gift card in Spring 2009 and be ready for sale through this web site, in time for Christmas gift giving 2009 and for our 2010 exhibitions.