I went to an auction of the perishable produce that had been exhibited at the Kununurra Show.   I was looking for a good nutrition, food stock up, for the long journey ahead, as there would be few healthy food supplies to be bought during the Kimberley crossing .  

At the auction I placed my bids on the mixed boxes of fruit and vegetables, winning a huge box full for $40.    I got a shock when the box was placed in my arms, I realized it was enormous and weighed more than our 21 kilo generator and I had a long way to carry it back to our camp.   

It was a struggle to carry it, I was longing to find anything around hip high, dustbins, benches, what ever, to prop the box on briefly and all the adults around me seemed to be 20 years my senior or unfit looking so I thought twice about looking at them with pleading eyes, begging for help.   I knew if I put the box down I would never be able to pick that weight up again, so I willed myself to go on, thinking this effort I was making was a positive, weight bearing, weight lifting and bone strengthening exercise.     Several times I thought I would have to put the box down and give away one of the two pumpkins in it and several of the melons so the weight would be more manageable, but I wanted my food and I can be very determined and I 'made it’ back to camp with my auction win, intact.

 My arms were so strained by the time I got back, I never expected those pumpkins would have weighed so much. Needless to say, pumpkin or pumpkin was the staple diet, during our Kimberley crossing.  Pumpkin and legume, vegetable, stew.  Pumpkin, vegetable and legume soup served with a dollop of low fat unsweetened natural yoghurt, pumpkin and vegetable stir fry served with chilli salmon, lemon pepper salmon or smoked salmon, pumpkins and vegetables served with eggs on multi grain toast then pumpkin vegetable and almond, stir fry were the main meals and pumpkin and a slice of low fat tasty cheese or a few almonds for a snack.

“For every action there is an equally strong reaction” I just read in the quantum physics book, ‘Ripples on a Cosmic Sea’ so it is more than just the flippant statement we make when excessive activity and overdoing things results in extended rest or binge eating becomes a reaction to deprivation dieting. So there I was, for the first time in a while, totally disinterested in being active and pure pumpkin padding of the belly appears to be the result, or have all my jeans shrunk? 

I was so disappointed in myself yesterday morning, because the 1st of August, just over a week away, is my birthday and I had hoped to feel I had given myself the gift of being a little trimmer and slimmer as my own gift to myself and my clean pair of jeans with the recently taken in waist line...would not do up at all.  There I was...feeling pumpkin plump.

Reacting is exactly what I don't want to do.  Yo Yo weight loss and weight gain is part of the old me, not a place I want to go to again.  Time to breathe deeply and remember to follow a planned course of healthy life style, not extremes of excessive behaviour or reactions.

I expressed my disappointment in my own behaviour and the result of it, the obvious weight gain, to my husband Reg. I told him how disappointed I was with myself, that I had gotten off track to the goal I wanted and had been overeating and under exercising and my jeans would not do up.  Normally he cannot 'handle', me venting, and I have to remember I am a carer and cannot share things that upset or disappoint me with Reg who has frontal lobe dementia, as it does make his condition worse. That's hard for me and is partly why I need to blog and develop a support group on line, so my emotional needs are met and I can continue to be the carer my man needs  me to be.

Anyhow, yesterday I was able to express how I was feeling and my man was able to listen. He was able to be 'the strong one', for me and respond in the way I needed, it was a magic moment for me.  I see how well my man was yesterday, and today and once again this shows me how our gray nomad, live for today in perpetual springtime, eating healthy, enjoying the moment and being active, most of the time, is proving to be incredibly beneficial for both of us and is giving us both the ability to push back out of mind, the existence of chronic health issues that were supposed to rapidly progress, not seemingly disappear for long periods of time.  

Reg is today, healthier and happier than I have seen him in years and his ability to show empathy to me when I expressed disappointment in myself, and for him to have put a comforting arm around me when I needed it, I think only someone who is a carer, for someone who has lost some of their frontal lobe, brain function would understand how wonderful that felt for me and what a sign of good health and recovery of brain function it was for my man.

I went from feeling disappointed at my temporary weight gain, to rejoicing that I have my husband, the man I love, back in all ways, not just showing increased physical good health, but with increased memory and what is termed 'executive and cognitive function'.  With these abilities increased he is enjoying pottering around in the camp kitchen and remember places from past visits to the Pilbara, and he can give me the driver, good navigational directions plus little yet very important things like remembering to keep his head back so I can see out the passenger side window when I turn corners. On top of all these signs of good health he 'is there for me', as my friend and companion again and I am rejoicing and showing him how much I love him and love this communication support he is showing and being so thankful for this moment we are sharing.

Sitting side by side for hours with your husband, while you both read and occasionally chat about the books you are reading, sure does not help weight release efforts when coupled with overeating pumpkin. That life style we enjoyed during the Kimberly crossing sure did my man a power of good and no lasting harm has been done to me and my long term slimming goals, If I take stock of the situation and see that over exertion resulted in a could not be bothered to exercise excessive reaction that I will be aiming to avoid in future.  

Observation of behaviours that do not support my achieving goals I want then putting in place corrections, ways I can strive to avoid the same pit falls, is my healthy way to slimming these days, so I will strive not to be so greedy next time and I will bid on a smaller box or arrange to have a helper with me if I head off for the fun of bidding for a bargain mixed fruit and vegetable box at an auction again.

Lifting my sight from self absorption and thoughts from my plump pumpkin pot, to my man who is enjoying such great health today and thinking now in terms of nutrition and it's heath benefits, I think pumpkins will be on our menu more often, though not to the saturation of the past week.   

 

Pumpkin Nutrition

The bright orange colour of pumpkin is a dead giveaway that pumpkin is loaded with an important antioxidant, beta-carotene. Beta-carotene is one of the plant carotenoids converted to vitamin A in the body. In the conversion to vitamin A, beta carotene performs many important functions in overall health.

Current research indicates that a diet rich in foods containing beta-carotene may reduce the risk of developing certain types of cancer and offers protection against heart disease. Beta-carotene offers protection against other diseases as well as some degenerative aspects of ageing.

 

Pumpkin Nutrition Facts

(1 cup cooked, boiled, drained, without salt)

Calories 49

(not too bad, looks like it was inactivity, more than pumpkin eating that gave me the ‘pumpkin pot belly LOL)

Protein 2 grams

Carbohydrate 12 grams

Dietary Fibre 3 grams

Calcium 37 mg

Iron 1.4 mg

Magnesium 22 mg

Potassium 564 mg

I set out on this trip around Australia expecting that I would return home one size smaller.  
The changes I have made on this trip have happened more in my head than on my body and I am happy about this.
Yes being healthy and naturally slim IS still very important to me, I have not lost sight of my goal, I am more, weaning away from needing to focus on slimming as a goal and moving on to slimming being an accepted thing that my body will achieve, naturally in response to how I now live my life. I don’t feel the need to prove my belief by showing others I am slim now,  I am comfortable at any weight I am between now and the weight my body eventually finds as it’s ideal weight.  
Of course I have my ‘feel fat’ moments, but they are now, ‘moments’, not days, weeks or months, and I am able to quickly squash any temporary urge I get to panic attack the weight, by thinking in terms of dieting, and I quickly get my mind back and focused on healthy life style, eating healthy, when hungry, stopping when satisfied, exercising 30 minutes a day with my weight bearing exercise and frequent but not excessive, incidental activity through the day.  
Yes I still need to pep talk myself out of reaching for diet shakes for a day, after a day when I ate beyond satisfied, but then I remember that an egg on multi grain dry toast with mushrooms, is less calories and better nutrition than any diet shake and it’s not dieting, it’s ‘LIVING ‘  and I am right back on track to living and loving my life and slimming naturally, freed from obsessive dieting and confident that I can choose what I feel like eating, when I am hungry and know I am making the right choice for me at that time.  
These days if I find I am not making the right food choices, I don’t give myself ‘food rules’ to follow, I look at the life style that has me making such poor choices and question if the lifestyle can be modified so I can care for myself better.
 I have become more comfortable around food and have been able to shed all feelings of guilt if I occasionally choose to eat at a weight maintenance level while I am still overweight.,  
I am not in a rush to achieve any weight goal and so I am eating as I choose to eat, knowing most of the time my choices are excellent and my quantities and exercise will support muscle development, protect my bone density and allow for further fat reduction.
This week was a mixture of  body self nurture and accepting a degree of  less than ideal self physical care, in order to achieve the financial goal we had of earning an income at this exhibition and show at Kununurra, to pay for the car and van services and the diesel fuel for part of this Australian tour we are on.
Let's just say I was no saint.  I ate the commercially cooked foods in the show grounds, a Chinese meal on the first day of the show while setting it up, was breakfast.  The lamb shank for the 'Lamb Van Man’ was lunch and the Rotary club hamburger stall was dinner, and the corn on the cob, was the vegetables.  I did use my own fruit and didn't buy the commercial deserts and I only bought the Devonshire tea scones, jam and cream for Reg and I nibbled on healthy natural almonds. 
I worked two 18 hour days straight with a lot of lifting of boxes involved and there was no time or space to prepare my own meals in front of the exhibition and I was happy with those choices and pleased that i have reaches a stage of my life where I am relaxed enough around food, to actually give myself permission to guilt free, eat what I feel like eating and in this instance, even allow the extra amount of food to support me in maintaining the endurance I needed for these busy days of work.
I am aware that that lifestyle and way of eating, if repeated often would make me obese again.   That's the point, I am making, I don't do that very often, If I found myself doing so, I would now adjust the lifestyle so I could easily nurture myself well, rather than choose to diet. I have changed my life so I am not repetitively working 18 hour day and eating more food than I need in the desire to gain energy from the food to keep going, rather than recognizing that my body needs rest not more food, when I am exhausted. I no longer choose to eat, more energy than I can burn from high fat and salt source because I haven’t taken the time to nurture myself with healthy food.
During the show, I chose not to do any planned exercise other than the physical work of setting up, running and packing the show as that was very physically demanding.  I also took two rest days after the show, where I had planned only one.  I responded to how I was feeling.
After the pig out on take away foods during the show days I have been back on my oatmeal, low fat yogurt and milk, with fruit for breakfast, salad and a little low fat cheese for lunch and big vegetables stir fry with legumes and fish for evening meal, coffee with breakfast, cups of tea with lunch and a cold, low carbohydrate beer with my evening meal and raw almonds and a piece of fruit or lin soy multi grain bread and honey with almonds on top or cheese as a nibble.  Once a week I have eggs and chicken meat but fish and legumes are my main protein serving.  
When I dine out, I eat whatever is served, to some extent, I am not fanatical about eating healthy, I think if my home choices of food conform to what I think is good for me and I love, it doesn’t hurt to eat refined carbohydrates and red meat in moderation, when visiting, and I even enjoy them.
So what I have gained over the past few months has been a total feeling of comfort that I am on the right track in caring for myself.
What I have lost is a few centimetres.   Subtle changes that I am pleased with.

This is the evening, follow on, to the post I wrote this morning.  The hair trim and colour waffle :-).  The power of attraction brought me what I needed today, quality hair care at a price I could afford and even I feel was too little, and I should have offered to pay more for the good job they did.

So there I was, heading into the hairdressers, to keep my promise to myself to nurture myself and have a hair trim and colour when it was due, not months after it was due,  but I still was not happy abut the cost of around $120.  I arrive a minute early for an 11 am appointment and she was just starting a client and informed me sh had double books and had another client in the next time slot and was booked solid all day but she would squeeze me in quickly sometime that afternoon.

Needless to say I was not impressed, I wasn't happy about paying $120. anyhow on my budget, and I wasn't paying that for a rush job.

So I went down t the predominately indigenous Australian end of town, found a store with three times the amount of hairdressers working, in a third of the space, no fancy store front and a sign outside saying  there was a $5. special.  Well that's what I asked for,   $5. 'fix em up proper', bob.    One of the best hair cuts I have had and definitely the cheapest. 

I bought a $20; hair highlighter, it says there is enough for 6 touch ups in the kit, so obviously you don't have to use it all at once.   A bit short of time with out exhibition tomorrow to do my colour before then but I'm so pleased with my  $5. hair colour and LOL,  like a typical gray gypsy needing to put diesel in the car to travel Australia, I went to the wholesaler and spent my $115. left over because the first hair dresser messed me about, on novelties fr lucky dips and I have been busy packing lucky dips for Reg to sell tomorrow, for a 50% profit, and a diesel tank fill up.  LOL, now that is more how I like to spend my money.

As for exercise today.  Well I rushed around town, back n forth, from the sophisticated end to the unsophisticated side and back again several times, I have a wrapping hundreds of lucky dips, repetition strain injury in my right arm, typing isn't helping it but I had to share with you, my joy in my $5. hair cut, I would have loved it if it had cost me the whole $120. and it's not often I give up my belief that you 'get what you pay for'.   

You know, if I have a great show, tomorrow and on Saturday, I think I'll take something from stock back to the $5. special hairdresser and give it to the ladies who work there, as a tip.  It's so rare to get such fabulous service for such a reasonable cost.

 

 I realized when I shed the bulk of my excess weight that one thing I needed to do, to ensure I never again slipped back into the apathy of of self neglect and the resulting obesity, was to own and wear good clothes, although I do not need many and to maintain my hair style and colour touch ups when due. I usually go way overdue to spread out the cost of professional hair care, or even have been known to cut my own hair, colour it, usually successfully but with an occasional failure I'd rather not repeat, or I've even badgered Reg to shave off the back, as a money saving device and needed to wear a sun hat, not for sun protection but to hide the hair cut. :-).   I have done those types of hair cuts or when younger been content to just swish it up on top of my head or in a pony tail, in preference to spending money on myself.

So today marks a special occasion in that I am for the first time fulfilling this promise to myself,  of having professional hair care, when I need it, not two to ten months later as per my previous, unsupportable of my appearance,  routine.  

I am  nervous, I don't know the hairdressers and I am very definite about the bob I want and the hair colour to be only a subtle blending in of the previous colour and my re growth grey as subtle touch ups do not require as costly maintenance and while I am having this hair care done today, because it is due to be done, starting to look like it needs to be done, I never will be the sort of woman who enjoys going to the hairdresser, nor enjoys paying half my weekly income on a hair do, very often.

This self care when due, promise to myself, is supposed to help me reinforce my commitment to love and nurture myself and  become naturally slim, by avoiding the extremes I have applied to my care, in the past, of apathy, doing nothing, or excess, LOL, turning my self orange with a home hair colour and shaving my head three quarters of an inch, all over to get rid of a bad hair colour.

I wonder if I will ever relax and feel comfortable about the cost?

I wonder what will win out long term, will I think it more loving and supportive of me, to not apply financial pressure to myself, by spending money I don't want to spend, on my appearance, or will I ever accept as I think  most women do, that good hair care is as essential as shoes.  LOL, now that's another story, as I look at my two year old shoes, soiled, worn and my favorites have a burn hole in them from the spark of a camp fire.  :-).  I am lousey when it comes to spending money on glamour but I do spend it where needed on comfort and fit, those shoes only look worn and cheap, on the outside, they were the best fit and comfort my money could buy and I'll wear them till their death rattles, LOL, :-), you cannot totally change a practical, lady into a glamour puss, and those shoes got me walking again  so everything including preparedness to spend money on myself to look better, has to be balanced with what works for me.   
 

Yes that is what I am learning to achieve- I am striving to apply a balanced form of self nurture to myself, one I am able to live with.  


So today I step outside my comfort zone and spend money I am not certain I should, on my hair care.

Learning to compromise and balance is a big part of this weeks preparation for my first exhibition and sales here at the Kununarra Show.  I need to ensure fatigue goes not set in: I am already becoming tiered and my arms are aching due to repetition craft making so I have stopped weight lifting temporarily and accepted that the show set up and pack down will be enough exercise.  I  need to watch myself that I do not slip back into apathy, been there, done that, not going back to the form of self abusive, overwork, self neglect that led to my lack of the right sort of exercise, grazing rather than meal planning. 

I am loving this exhibition, preparation and have not planned too big an exhibition show run, just half a dozen shows, just enough sales of landscape art prints to pay for the trip out to see the landscapes I paint, in our self funded hobby business, designed to provide Eco therapy to keep my man with frontal lobe dementia, happy and well, as it usually does and to satisfy the former professional artist and art gallery owner in me, an emotional creative satisfaction from seeing the major works I once painted, still out there being appreciated, if only in the form of post cards, fridge magnets, art cards and my most recent make this week, of book marks.  I need my emotional creative satisfaction and close proximety to nature, 'country', this is no one priority for me, LOL, more important than hair care, for my spirit to stay on a high.

My life has undergone enormous change over the past few years, and this is the year of  fine tuning the balance, as all the hard work of retirement, change from career to carer , downsizing, setting up for our gray nomad lifestyle, has been done. 

Now if waffling about going the a hair dresser ten weeks after my previous cut, is the most serious concern in  my life today, :-), I think I am, I think, Reg and I are on the right track for the rest of our lives, and this balanced life style will be very supportive of my quest to become naturally slim.

I welcome your comments and sharing of your thoughts.

I have gone well every day, in my action plan, toward my goals;  exercising and eating, drinking and managing my life, plans, up until yesterday early evening when carer duties being particularly difficult and involving a change in personality that was difficult to say the least, resulted in my eating ice cream and yogurt, (all be it the low carb type), it was still overeating self abuse as I was not hungry and as such it was 'stuffing down my feelings', not finding a better way to deal with them. Then I ate bread, butter and honey, one slice, an hour latter, while still, not hungry, more 'stuffing down emotions to try to stop my 'blowing up', because I lack sufficient skill sometimes when dementia care duties become difficult. THEN, on top of all this, eating while not hungry, I went and ate my husband's chicken breast lunch for today, LOL, :-), have to smile at that one. I could not punish him for being ill, he can't help being ill and would not want to be, by choice, but LOL, I still have a nice lunch planned for me, (if I ever feel hungry again after the binge of eating until I was well beyond satisfied, last night), LOL, :-), Hubby can have bread and duck under the table for lunch as I told him, it was my doing not his, but the stress he put me under last night had me returning to my own old, bad behaviour of stuffing myself, full and risking becoming fat again. NONE of that is my man's fault. The error of my using food for comfort is 100% MY RESPONSIBILITY and one I have to learn to NOT DO.

This morning I spent a lot of time, (yet again), searching for a dementia carer internet forum, I could turn to for advice, venting, and emotional release when I feel the need. I only found paid for counselling sites. I feel it is inappropriate to burden friends by venting about dementia care, excessively and highly disloyal to describe my husband's worst dementia episodes on a public web site. I do need to continue to develop tools to use aside from the tool of 'stuffing the feelings of distress down out of sight with food and I WELCOME, any suggestions especially direction as to where I might find some form of free internet counselling, or support line for dementia carers. I am sure this is a very common need to many people, not just myself. I'll pop this post on my blog, as this need is not one that will go away, though I do continue to develop more coping skills and emotional eating is rarely a problem now, I understand only too well that it is self abusive and does not resolve anything, only wrecks a carers health and makes it harder to do anything.

My research this morning into trying to find a support forum for dementia carers, only showed me that we are. my husband and I, on the right track, in working to keep every spark of physical, mental and spiritual health alive, through our ecotherapy, life style, there is little more we could be doing on our own, to help keep both of us well most of the time and enjoying our life together.

My man truly is wonderful :-). I know if I was the one ill, he would be there for me and indeed has been in the past when it was more, that way and the bonus for me of his illness was that it was a wake up call for me to get myself fit, so I would be better able to care for him. Talking about the situation, does help me. :-)

Thanks for listening :-)
Kathy xxx

We drove out of Katherine, stopping at the top of the Hot Springs and descending a steep flight of steps, having one last swim upstream in the flowing stream and saying out farewell,  I promised myself to maintain the  upper arm and shoulder strength I have gained from three and a half weeks swimming.  Even Reg has noticed increased mobility in his arms.  

I found eating healthy and portion controlled very easy, I had all my favorite food choices with me, my rolled oats. fruit, yogurt and skim milk, breakfasts, a few almonds as snacks, salads with cheese for lunches and vegetables a few legumes and some fish for dinner and Reg and I enjoyed dining outside under the stars usually sharing a light red Merlot. x one small glass each, most nights.

We found a lovely private camp side amounst distinctive Boab trees in the area of the Big Horse Creek and the Victoria River, junction.. Plenty of areas describes as 'the car parks', which allow for walking of your dog on a lead of up to one and a half meters, within this area.  We took many walks beside the Big Horse Creek and the Victoria River and even saw crocodiles on the banks and the most spectacular sunset where the creek meets the river.  The best part about out camp was it faced into the bush, No neighbors to see me working out whit my weights or jumping and I got up confidence to done my shorts more and strive to get a bit more Vit D in through a daily leg sun bath.

On my last evening there, I even increased the weights I lift to 8 kilo. That may not sound much but for a near 63 year old, with arthritis and past injuries that;s a lot of weight for me to push up in three repetitions of 8 each anf a range of exercises.  I need a day off between my weight work for my muscles to recover.    On the day off, I try to walk and run and still do my 50 jumps.

These days when I jump, I have to place one arm across the apron I am developing across my belly and LOL, one arm above over the veranda, to hold these areas in place.  The Osteoporosis Association of Australia, doesn't say 'maybe', they say that these 50 jumps a day WILL stimulate the osteoblasts to build new bone cells. :-). I will keep right on jumping.